Hillbilly Moms Letter

Rick

Moderator
Staff member
Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.

Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle???

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Mom
 

RBHarter

West Central AR
Well I gotta agree with the rain part anyway .
That haze was a pollen dump today just ahead of a little rain .....
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Ian

Notorious member
I'm with Cornbread....hey, what's so funny? Next town over from where I live if a girl has a baby they don't know whether to call her brother "Aunt", "Uncle", or "Daddy".
 

oscarflytyer

Well-Known Member
ok... on the same note... This is THE first letter I wrote to my youngest (of five boys) son when he was in Basic a cpl if years ago. He is a third gen soldier. WHat made it so easy was that they now post everything Basic on FB, IF you can believe it! Even funnier (to ME, NOT to HER!) was, my wife kept complaining that Jake wasn't in any of the FB pics. And then, he WAS! AND, it was him coming out of the gas chamber slinging snot and tears like a mad bull. She got really pissed at me when I cried, I laughed so hard!!!

SO... Here is the letter I wrote... hope you enjoy!

Dear PVT Myers, Jacob W.
So, How’s Camp MuckityMuck so far?!? From the pics posted on FB, looks like a normal camping trip to me! Carry heavy bags, run around in the woods climbing on things, eat sitting on the ground (I am guessing one of your fav’s – Chili Mac), and blow snot rockets pretty much all over! ‘Course, I have never been gassed on a camping trip (unless you count the skunk!). Bet you didn’t know you had that much snot/mucus in your body, or water in your eyes! The Camel Bak canteen and glasses are a nice touch! I would prefer sunglasses myself, but, they WERE free! Only thing I see missing so far are nice relaxing evenings sitting by the campfire with all your fellow campers singing Kum Ba Yah.
I like those cool hats your Camp Counselors wear! (you KNOW how much I like hats!) Please ask one of them how I can get one, in my size (7 1/8th). Thanx!
I see that you are in a Hell Raiser unit. Should fit RIGHT in (only thing more appropriate might have been a Smart Ass Platoon!)! What Squad are you in? 3rd Herd? Does 3rd Herd still have to clean the Latrines? IT sucks!
How is life without your lifeline/personal assistant/phone?!? I won’t miss the data overage notices! Guess it is good you said no pogey bait. I was going to send you a BIG box of peanut butter, snacks, crackers and sour gummi worms. That saved me a ton of money! Whew! Now I can spend it on Beer and Bourbon.
It is nice to see all the special camper activities they have planned for you! Sounds like you may get free ammo to shoot too. That is SO nice of them. Ammo is EXPENSIVE, you know. So are those M4 rifles – with optics no less! How about that! Should make you feel ‘special!’ Remember to shoot the enemy closest to you first! And keep your rifle clean, so it doesn’t get mad at you and jam when that paper bad guy is lurking out there!
The camo they give you should be very helpful to keep you from being seen. It seems to be working well so far, as your Mother and I have not seen you in but a couple of the many FB photos they have posted.
Should I send you a flashlight for when you have to get lost in the woods? Maybe one of those BIG 6 volt types like Shirley keeps! Also glad to see they are keeping you in shape. Hate for you to get fed three times a day and get fat.
It was very thoughtful of them to break camp up into Red, White and Blue phases. I love patriotic themes! And looks like you will even get to do some parades, for long distances and carrying extra weight. How fun! If you are lucky, you might even get to do them through the woods! I am so jealous! (‘course, if you do the parades through the woods, probably won’t be many people watching or cheering… what a bummer). And don’t try to tackle any of the wildlife while you are in the woods! The Drill Sergeants hate competition and being shown up!
I am so pleased that you say in your letter that your time at Camp MuckityMuck will be both memorable and rewarding. I would be SO disappointed if we sent you off for so long and it wasn’t. If you see any mice, and catch them, don’t let your teammates egg you into eating them. That is why they feed you three healthy filling meals a day.
Love, Dad!
(PS – I find it very ironic that at the bottom of your letter, you have the motto AAA-0!)