While technically you may be entirely correct, it seems to me that animals should remain "animals" or "property" and, not "people". If the issue is abuse, that doesn't seem to be anything not covered under ANIMAL abuse laws. If the issue is who gets the ANIMALS, that makes them property as they are not sentient beings, eg- people. I've made animal abuse arrests and never saw any language in the NYS Penal Law or in the NYS Criminal Procedure Law that indicated that animals needed to be declared PEOPLE to prosecute PEOPLE for their abuse. But, I'm not a lawyer, my mind doesn't work that way- thankfully! I find reality confusing enough.
I would alter your declaration that every group of 3 or more old men need at least one LS grad. It's 99.9% of the lawyers that give the rest a bad name. If the LS grad was a Scalia, fine. Chances are the vast majority of us would end up with Bill Clinton or Michael Avanti!